The last 24-hours have probably been the most frustrating hours I have gone through in a very long time!
Yesterday morning I found my car broken into and at least $2000 of my personal possessions missing- its not the material things that makes me so mad it is the fact that it was my property and I feel like I was violated. It is the scariest thing knowing that someone broke into my car and I was sleeping less than 100-feet away!
Yes there are some anger feelings back toward Jesse and I am trying very hard not to let them get the best of me but it is very hard not to. HE SHOULD BE HERE is what I keep telling myself- I should NOT have to deal with all of this mess on my own! OK I know that sounds very selfish of me to say but I am totally overwhelmed with decisions and things to do. I didn't sign up for this stuff to happen but I guess I have to fall back on the very true statement "WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER!" that is definitely how I am feeling!
So it is 4am and I sit here WIDE awake when lately it has been the hardest thing to get myself out of bed but I am FREAKED! I want so many things mainly I want to feel safe and that is not something I feel right now- I feel like I am the only person in the world and I have to protect my two amazing children.
I am trying to be okay- Really I am but I didn't sign up for all of this and if I knew this would all be a part of this life changing experience I would have fought like hell for this change to never happen!
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