The last 24-hours have probably been the most frustrating hours I have gone through in a very long time!
Yesterday morning I found my car broken into and at least $2000 of my personal possessions missing- its not the material things that makes me so mad it is the fact that it was my property and I feel like I was violated. It is the scariest thing knowing that someone broke into my car and I was sleeping less than 100-feet away!
Yes there are some anger feelings back toward Jesse and I am trying very hard not to let them get the best of me but it is very hard not to. HE SHOULD BE HERE is what I keep telling myself- I should NOT have to deal with all of this mess on my own! OK I know that sounds very selfish of me to say but I am totally overwhelmed with decisions and things to do. I didn't sign up for this stuff to happen but I guess I have to fall back on the very true statement "WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER!" that is definitely how I am feeling!
So it is 4am and I sit here WIDE awake when lately it has been the hardest thing to get myself out of bed but I am FREAKED! I want so many things mainly I want to feel safe and that is not something I feel right now- I feel like I am the only person in the world and I have to protect my two amazing children.
I am trying to be okay- Really I am but I didn't sign up for all of this and if I knew this would all be a part of this life changing experience I would have fought like hell for this change to never happen!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
TWO MONTHS FROM TODAY!!!
WOW my last post was old! One month and 4 days before I saw Jesse now it is TWO MONTHS UNTIL JESSE COMES HOME!!!
When I got to see him it was the craziest thing. I wanted to run up and jump in his arms because I had the urge to do so but I had to remember MILITARY RULES- Ahhh I hate that phrase. I couldn't even give him a peck on the cheek in public.
The day of family day they changed the time and pushed it back two hours- TRUST me those two hours seemed like two days! I had two screaming kids and I wanted to join in!
Family day was fun- we went to WALMART- the only shopping place they had within a 20-mile radius of ft leonardwood- Nicholae got a toy from his daddy that he was on CLOUD 9 to get. We then celebrated Jesse's birthday because Nicholae was devistated when he found out that daddy will be "armying" on his Birthday. It was fun and I hope Jesse enjoyed it.
Graduation was pretty cool- but the most impressive thing about Jesse was when we were in the hotel and the kids' stuff was on the floor and my shoes were just kinda in the doorway where I kicked them off Jesse preceeded to line them up in a perfect line.... I looked and my Grandma and laughed- she knew EXACTLY what I was laughing at. The Jesse I know would NEVER have done that all of his crap woulda been all over the hotel room too but this time he had all of his stuff neatly organized in one spot *SHOCKED*
It will be very interesting when he comes home- the three of us have been managing just fine so I hope that when Jesse comes home he doesn't feel out of place or that he doesn't belong. We all miss him but we can't put our lives on hold while he is out living his dream.
I have more to say but not sure where to begin...
When I got to see him it was the craziest thing. I wanted to run up and jump in his arms because I had the urge to do so but I had to remember MILITARY RULES- Ahhh I hate that phrase. I couldn't even give him a peck on the cheek in public.
The day of family day they changed the time and pushed it back two hours- TRUST me those two hours seemed like two days! I had two screaming kids and I wanted to join in!
Family day was fun- we went to WALMART- the only shopping place they had within a 20-mile radius of ft leonardwood- Nicholae got a toy from his daddy that he was on CLOUD 9 to get. We then celebrated Jesse's birthday because Nicholae was devistated when he found out that daddy will be "armying" on his Birthday. It was fun and I hope Jesse enjoyed it.
Graduation was pretty cool- but the most impressive thing about Jesse was when we were in the hotel and the kids' stuff was on the floor and my shoes were just kinda in the doorway where I kicked them off Jesse preceeded to line them up in a perfect line.... I looked and my Grandma and laughed- she knew EXACTLY what I was laughing at. The Jesse I know would NEVER have done that all of his crap woulda been all over the hotel room too but this time he had all of his stuff neatly organized in one spot *SHOCKED*
It will be very interesting when he comes home- the three of us have been managing just fine so I hope that when Jesse comes home he doesn't feel out of place or that he doesn't belong. We all miss him but we can't put our lives on hold while he is out living his dream.
I have more to say but not sure where to begin...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
